These Boots Weren't Made For Walking
by theskyinourhearts
Summary: Quint receives some rather unusual footwear for his birthday


There was a post on Tumblr ( post/66922672137/original-southern-timelord) and I made the terrible decision of wondering what would happen if Quint got these boots

"Mine next!" announced Phin, thrusting an inexpertly wrapped box into Quint's arms, "Happy birthday!"

"I tried to get him to let me help with the wrapping," fretted Stope as the sky pirate tore into the gift, laughing. His friends settled around him in Phin's quarters at the Knights Academy.

However, his laughter faded as he realised what the present was. It was a pair of boots, but not necessarily boots for a man.

Quint stared at the boots in disbelief. They were fitted, nearly thigh high (even on a man of his height), and laced in a way that every sky pirate knew to be careless. They were boots normally seen on a tavern table (and not a tavern of good reputation either), not a ship's deck.

"Phin…you really shouldn't have," he managed to spit out, a steady red rising up his cheeks.

"What is it Quint? Don't you like them? I got them at a very reputable store" Phin's voice was all innocence, and his eyes beneath his tousled fringe were wounded, betraying not a single hint of mischief. "I spent ages looking for just the right thing, didn't I?"

The academic-at-arms looked up to Raffix for reassurance, who simply nodded serenely in agreement. As attention turned to the taller man, Phin winked at his friend.

Quint was about to throw the boots down and tackle him, when he was digged viciously in the ribs by a bony elbow.

"Where are your manners, Quintinus?" Maris hissed, although Quint would have sworn he saw a glint of amusement in her eyes.

"Oh Quint, I'm sorry," said Phin, false hurt welling up in his eyes. Quint could have killed him for the unnervingly miserable way in which he hung his head, only to sneak a glance for Maris' reaction, "Perhaps…perhaps if you were to try them on, you might not hate them so much?"

"By the Gloamglozer's sweaty-" Quint's curse was cut off by Maris' surprisingly strong hand pressed over his mouth.

"He'll love them Phin! Don't you worry," she said firmly, "Why don't you head on to the ship for dinner and I'll help him with the laces?"

As his friends headed out the door, he rounded on Maris. "Oh come on, this is ridiculous. You can't expect me to wear these!"

Maris leant back in her chair, folding her arms thoughtfully. "I'll strike you a deal, captain." Her voice was cold and level and Quint was newly grateful that his wife was also his quartermaster. "If you wear these boots tonight," she raised a finger to stop her husband's interruption, "I will let you keep your sideburns for a month."

"Three months," Quint rejoined.

"Two months," replied Maris with a grimace, "And that's my final offer."

Fuming, Quint considered the deal for a minute then nodded quickly.

"Now, help me with these skyblasted laces."

As he stepped onto the deck, Quint's face had never been redder. The walk through the halls had not been too unbearable, save for one squire calling 'Hello sailor' as they passed.

His crew, assembled before him, gaped in amazement. Every eye scanned the leather-clad, heel-raised legs of their captain.

Quint cleared his throat. "About your business! Any man caught loitering won't eat tonight!"

"But cap'n, why are you-" Tem Barkwater's earnest face was obscured by a heavy banderbear arm. Behind him, Phin bent double with laughter.

Eventually, the crew sloped off. All except the Stone Pilot, who remained as if transfixed.

Once the meal had finished, and Phin had wrung every joke possible from the boots, ranging from what did Quint propose to call himself when he started his new career (the Erotic Yodeller was a popular suggestin), to how well he walked in heels, Quint took them off and dangled them over the ships starboard.

Before he could let them drop, Maris caught his arm.

Puzzled, he turned to her.

"Keep them," she whispered, "They'll come in handy tonight." And then Maris Pallitax, former daughter of the Most High Academe, winked.

Standing dazed for a moment, Quint re-evaluated his opinion of Phin's gift-buying skills.


End file.
